Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This is the high leading the old right now
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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