This is not my ceiling
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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