everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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