He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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