she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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