I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
