Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
