then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He? As in you personified your dick?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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