i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
