I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
