So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
