he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
