So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize