Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
