Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
