I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
50% drunk capacity currently
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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