mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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