She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
