I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There's always time for handjobs
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
