Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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