I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize