Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
