you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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