sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
