here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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