She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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