Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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