I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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