You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It was like getting head from an anaconda
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
