things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
