coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
