I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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