How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
