I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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