Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
did i walk over a car last night?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
