Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
