i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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