im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
No subtext here. People are naked.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
