toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do you still have your period?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
