We're like a lot better than the average bears
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize