420 ftw
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
