Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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