Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
