Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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