The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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