Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
