Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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