He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
