dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
