I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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