Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
