I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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