i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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