I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
