I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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