I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
