you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
