My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize