Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
