When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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