i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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