they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
