I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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