I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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