He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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