Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize