Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
