I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
