your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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