Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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