Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
