i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
is that a dick in a sweater?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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