you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
