you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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