So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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