I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
