It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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