worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
