U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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