meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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